what ifs

wow, have been neglecting my blog i see. hahaha. well, think i'll be back more often. tumblr just didnt seem right blogging long posts. (:

been thinking about my life in general recently. dont know why the sudden reflection but with only 5 months plus to ORD, i think i need to handle the next phase of my life well. thought of many stuff: relationships within my family, relationships with my friends, cellgroup, finances, fitness, university.. yeah. and i think i'm not very satisfied with the situation that i'm in right now. dont get me wrong, i thank God for everything that i have now, just that there're things that i need to change to make it better. like really having bible study going on, discipline to save money, discipline to stay fit.

and i believe that the priority is to get back in track with God. without Him, i'm nothing. need to start serious quiet time, start pouring myself into my cell group member lives. i know that i'm not super strong spiritually yet, and somehow, i just have this feeling that God wants me to go into SOT next year. its crazy, and i haven share with anyone yet, but i dont know.. it feels so far, but within reach at the same time. gotta pray about this. i choose to follow You out of conviction, and not preference.

i've been thinking alot about you too. dont know why you're this cold, but all i want is to be your friend, your good friend cause i still care alot for you. i'm not gonna think so much anymore, but i'll always be here if you ever need someone to talk to, know that i'll not push you away. (:

freedom means nothing but missing you.